It’s been a surreal journey so far. Whilst I’ve been busy putting things on gumtree, and living on a fur throw on my living room floor, eating take out most nights, I still haven’t fully come to terms with the fact that I’m leaving the country for two years – with nothing more than two cats and one 30kg suitcase.
The reality still hasn’t quite hit, despite spending my last night in my apartment on an air mattress, with two cat crates and nothing more. As I wait for my landlord to pick up my keys with my suitcase, I’m still not entirely wanting to face the reality of good bye.
In fact, it’s not really good bye, more a ‘see you later’ but still, the seeing will now be down through Skype and FaceTime and Facebook instead of face-to-face…with an eight hour time lapse. I’m still in some sort of daze as the reality approaches. I’m excited, and I know I’m following my inner guidance and doing the right thing, but I’m still scared.
And don’t they say, every day, do one thing that scares you? I guess it had been so long since I’d willingly put myself in such a challenging position, I’m still not fully comprehending the immensity of my decision and what’s coming up. I don’t think it will hit me until I’m in the airport. Perhaps it won’t really hit until I’m on the plane.
The last time I migrated I was 11 years old and all the big decisions were left to my parents. This time I’m 30 (almost 31) and all the big decisions are left solely to me – where to work, how to live, how to create the best version of myself. There are so many opportunities when you consciously make such massive changes in your life, when you consciously embrace the opportunities for growth that the Universe yields to you. But this doesn’t mean that it’s easy, or that you aren’t going to be petrified along the way. My stomach is in knots, and I’m nauseous – both through excitement and sadness. It’s fantastic to be heading to a new life, but I’m also mourning the ones that will be left behind.
And of course it’s not like I won’t see them again, but I’ve moved around enough in my life to know that people are constantly changing, and that the place you had once will not be there when you move. So coming to terms with letting go of the way some relationships are, and allowing them to become whatever they are meant to be, is another hard pill to swallow at this point.
But here I am, writing my last post before stepping on a plane. The next post will be from the other side of the world. Now…isn’t that going to be something!